My Mysterious Man

Newly on the hunt

You sweep me off my feet

Only to set me down

To chase someone else

 

You keep drawing near

Yet as soon as I lean in

Off again you go

A new breeze to catch

 

Funny

How I expect

Absolute devotion

From many

Yet I flit between

Only to become melancholy

When one pulls away

 

I think it’s time you took your step

As the ball rolls into your court

Only to watch it crack

I was born

To bury my parents

Raised

To watch them die

From the start I learned

 

To cook

Clean

And change diapers

Perfect

 

Wife, Daughter

Sister, Friend

Born into a shadow

 

Laden with expectations

I blossomed within the mold

Thoughts on Falling in Love with a Broken Heart

 

My heart has been broken, so, many times

That it will never be repaired

Instead it sits broken

Into hundreds

Thousands

Of itty bitty hearts

Each beating on its own

Yet all at once

 

Love is but a myth

Clung to by fools

Who fear falling into oblivion

I care for every drop of life

Am fond of every existence

Kindness, the closest to this forever

I want to kiss the stars

 

Can each shard love differently

My tomorrows beautiful

My forevers long

Perhaps I do not love one soul

But humanity in every form

Not a life

To which I won’t give my own

No cause too mighty

Or person insignificant

 

A broken heart

Has many windows

For love to wiggle in

Many pieces

To give away as I please

Love comes to a broken heart

As rain on an autumn day

Unpredictable

Often cold

Sometimes, sometimes forgiving

Yet it always brings a smile

And you must dance

To the clamor of a million drums

 

I hope my heart breaks again

And again

And again

Each scar proves I’m open

To every drop of life

To every single beat

That I never stopped once

Stopped giving more

Tomorrow is still coming

 

I pity those with a single heart

For how does love flow

Into a room without doors

How do you hear a song

In absolute silence

A broken heart need not heal

But only keep beating

And I Can Write Again

Why can’t I write about this

Why can’t I cleanse my heart in the usual way

Why must I hold this inside to stew

Only to gush out at the worst of times

 

This is the secret I keep from everyone

I keep from myself

I bear it in total silence

Always going inward

 

Perhaps a little part of me

Wants people to know my soul

So I write it down

But this is more than that

 

This is not my soul

 But the color of my past

I refuse to be defined by it

So I hide it deep within

 

This is a double edge sword

No one knows so I can’t be judged

Yet I can’t talk about it

Or I will be so

 

Maybe if I don’t admit it’s there

Like the people that I hate

It will go away

For Always

Since I spoke my mind

I’ve become an outcast

But only in her presence

 

Without her they come to me

Talk to me

See me

 

I could be invisible forever

Yet they come

How strange

 

Thank you

For seeing me

Part of the time

 

Only a few are constant

Thank you

For not picking sides

 

I will not argue

I’d rather be your friend for thirty

Than never speak to you again

 

Thank you

For seeing me

Even when you shouldn’t

 

Thank you

For being there

When it really counts

 

And thank you

To my little sis

As individuals but not as more?

Where do I begin with you

We were so close it was like breathing

Talking to you

 

Then we dated

And all hell broke loose

I had to cut the cord

 

I broke your heart

This I know is true

Have I ever said I'm sorry

 

You have dated many since then

I my fair few as well

You say you’re happy with her now

 

Our conversations flow again

We’re closer now than ever before

The perfect couple

 

Which leads me to wonder

Why do we work now

 

Maybe I should say hello

So I said to myself just the other day

That to read my blog was to read my mind

How strange it must seem then

To have something be important

Yet not written about

Not so big that I sing nor cry

Or something so big that it must be kept inside

 

Then I thought of you

 

You

With whom I flirt every day

I bat my eyes when you look my way

I love that little smile that you give me

But only when I catch your eye

It’s so easy talking to you

That I forget this is something new

But you haven’t said a word

You’re so alone

And so am I

You walk past

Without a word

 

I catch your eye over your shoulder

 

When all are around

I'm confused

You stand so near

Yet so far away

 

I can count every dream of ours

 

I remember every smile

The empty ones blurred out

Everything has changed

Yet here you are

 

 

 

 

But Then What Is It?

That smile

No that smirk

That crosses your face

When I walk your way

Was it something I said

Or did

Am I really that different

 

A sudden interest you show me

I can’t put my finger on it

Every thought shouts no

Yet there it is

I wonder if you realize

You’re the only one

Who sees me

 

I'm not allowed to show you

Tell you

Or anyone

Any of this

I would lose my only friend

Besides you

I cant

 

I'm not right for you

I'm cold

And broken

You have someone

Who loves you

Why would you choose

Me

 

Is this all in my head

A silly day dream

Yes

It must

It can be nothing more

Than a fantasy

Anything

I know I was the one

To tip the scale

And finally say goodbye

 

Why do I feel such sorrow

 

You scream and cry

When I enter the room

Curse with every breath my name

 

Why does this affect you so

 

In the shadows I lived for months

Trying to be seen

Yet I’m lonely in the light

 

I reach for you

Yet remember I may not

I’m desperate for a sign

 

Whether it be screaming anger

Bitter weeping

Or a long hiding hello

 

I crave something